Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
