I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
