just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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