The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
