It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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