ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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