ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
