Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
