carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
