you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
