my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
