I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
