u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
