If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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