I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
