so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
