end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
