How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
