Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we're making bets on your personal life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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