Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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