Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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