Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
