I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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