my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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