yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
