Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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