Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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