Duck Duck Cougar?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
