being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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