He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
