and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
