she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
