Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
