im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
