Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
