saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
