The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
