I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
