I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
