Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
