Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
