It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
