i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
