Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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