hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
