Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
