did you get engaged???
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
