By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
