When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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