My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
