Just fell off a train. Bad.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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