my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
