Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
